Hello my Kings and Queens, Also Known As my KQ’s! What it do boo boo’s!? I’ve been out and about in the dating universe. Keeping an open mind, healing myself, and growing has been nothing but nutrients to my soul. In the last 6 months I have met some amazing men who have made me laugh, contemplate, and re-evaluate. I have this theory I call the 99 to 1. It never works out 99% of the time, because it’s only supposed to work out 1% of the time.
I used to look at dating as SUCH a drag! I wasn’t having a good time. I had to really change my outlook. Dating is inevitable on the journey to discovering your “person”. It might be online dating or the traditional form of dating, regardless it's necessary. The only exception is if you are from a culture that practices arranged marriage (at this point I wouldn’t mind). I realized hey, this thing isn’t going away, so I might as well have a good time! I am really open to meeting new people through apps, social media, common friends, etc. Being open has allowed me to have a larger dating pool of really awesome people. Things don’t always work out, but it’s a good time.
Dating can be really nerve wrecking, especially if you haven’t dated in awhile or don’t date often. Putting yourself out there and getting to know someone can take a lot of nerve. I wanted to provide 5 basic first date tips to help you start your date with confidence and end some of your jittery nerves.
“Life Is Like A Party, Dress Like It”
Your #OOTD or outfit of the date, is super key. You don’t want to be underdressed or overdressed. You don’t want your #OOTD to prevent you from efficiently carrying out your date activities. For example, I wouldn't recommend wearing heels to go kart racing, or wear a ball gown to a sushi spot, no matter how bourgie! You definitely want to put an effort into your attire, your date will definitely notice if you just throw any ol thing on. Kings! Make sure you let Queen know at least a little hint of the date plans, this way she can be dressed properly.
“Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Taken”
I can’t stress how important it is to be yourself! If you’re goofy, be goofy. If you’re more the serious type, then be serious! One of the biggest reasons my outlook on dating changed, and I started having more fun, was because I started to be irrevocably me. I’m a complete cornball who loves DC and Marvel movies, with a nostalgia for Hot Cheetos and Dragon Ball Z. Your date will like you or they won’t. People are broken and already have enough trouble trusting others. If you come to the table as a big phony, your date will sense it and possibly become distant for the remainder of your date.
“Don’t be a Chatty Cathy or a Talk Too Much Tyrone!”
First date conversation is super important! This is the time to find out if you even like talking to a person for more than a couple of hours. You want to prompt them and engage with them, but you also want to practice a certain level of openness so that your date can prompt and engage with you as well.
Ask lots of questions, and give the person time to answer your questions.
Don’t divulge too much personal information about yourself too early on.
Don’t make things awkward by asking really complex in depth emotional questions.
Ultimately, play things by the vibe of the conversation. Pay attention to your dates tone, and body language. Make sure they are comfortable with where the conversation is going. Let them lead the conversation, trade off!
WHOOOOOOO pays!??? WHO SWAY!? I’m just being honest here! Do I always expect the guy to pay? Of course not! I’m not going to lie to my KQ’s, but you might not like my truth on this. The guy should always pay on the first date. I spoke with my dad on this subject. For those of you who don’t know, I am daddy’s little girl, even at 29 years old. My father raised me and he is my go to life consultant. My father is in his mid 60s and a Lousiana Southern Gentleman at heart. My dad expressed to me that a man should always pay (this extends past first date for dad). My dad went on to say that even when women would ask him out, he would still pay anyway.
LADIES: When the bill comes. Let it sit there until he grabs it. PERIOD. On the 2nd or 3rd date definitely offer to go dutch. If he keeps refusing as the dates rack up, trick him somehow. If you are on date 5 or 6, it’s important to show that you are a team player. You can also measure when you should pay based on your heart. If your heart is pressing you, then you should take care of the bill every so often. We talking first date though, so the bill is not yours sis!
GENTLEMEN: Why is she paying your way? Do you take pride in being a city boy? Because we need MEN. Always pay. If you don’t have it or you are trying to save, then get creative. My girlfriend told me how a guy she was dating took her on a picnic to the lake. The food was bomb and they sipped wine in the sun, with a nice breeze from the waters of Lake Merritt. She gave up the panties that night, meanwhile some of you think a fancy ass wine bar will get you a few extra points.
But honestly, my kings, if you don’t want to spend too much, you definitely don’t have to. I can’t emphasize this enough: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY BUT THEEEEE EFFORT KING. THE MUTHAFCKIN EFFORT.
“The Follow Up, Will There Be a Date Two?”
Men and women’s most common question after the first date is, should I text her right after or wait a couple of days? Should I text him first? My only question for you; did you have a good time? If you had a good time, text now. Somebody else had a great time with them last week, and is already ahead of you. Don’t let time pass by and miss out on a great person. It doesn’t matter if the man or woman text first. This isn’t high school, and there should be an even exchange in communication. If I had a good time, I am texting him when I get home to let him know and then I am going to wake up the next day with a good morning text expressing once more, that I had a good time.
First dates can be scary, but always put your best foot forward and have a good time. Remember, 99 to 1!