My Perfect Man...
Whatever it was I started writing, I deleted. There is no perfect man. I don’t even know if there is a perfect woman, I seriously doubt it. Lately I’ve been frustrated with my dating life, but honestly, when am I not? There is literally not one man on the planet I am into and it is the worst feeling in the world. I feel nothing, all the time. Not a butterfly, not a nervousness, not a thing.
I remember when I met my first love. Until the last day of knowing him, I would get these butterflies in my stomach when I was about to see him. My palms would be all sweaty and I would be so anxious just to hang out and watch TV. I miss those butterfly’s, but I don’t miss him, not that he wasn’t absolutely amazing, that shipped has just sailed.
I am bored with the endless meaningless around me, the men with no intention of anything happening between us, they make me want to jump in front of a Megabus and die 9 times. I find myself frustrated trying to keep up these long distance conversations with Greek guys who live a million and one miles away. I am sick of texting for months just so they can decide that I am actually not that great after all. I am honestly tired of trying to fit my vibrant personality in a text message, snapchat, or Instagram dm. I am tired of everything leading to nothing.
I don’t want this to be some negative post about my dreadful love life but I am overly frustrated. I really try, and maybe I try too hard? Ten years and I can’t muster up a feeling past a “crush” that dwindles after a month or so. I just can’t hang, dating has absolutely defeated me. I was hoping to meet someone different, or maybe someone who matches my weirdness would be more of a simple request. What is different anyway? Someone who has actions behind his words and purpose behind his actions? Someone who doesn’t message me to pass the time by. Someone who knows how to communicate how they feel in general and specifically about me. Someone not afraid of love and doesn’t hold back, you only live once don’t you? Everyone has this weird misconception that you fall in love once you’re ready, but I am pretty sure that it just happens and its uncontrollable. Which is why I get so annoyed when a man tells me he’s not “ready”. That’s how you get passed by. Life is not waiting for you to be ready and a true Queen wouldn’t wait either. You snooze you lose, right? If you’re not ready, why are you even texting me? If you’re not ready, Why did you slide in my dms? If you’re not ready, Why did you ask for my number? Why tf do I even know who you are, if you are not ready?
I just want my lover/best friend/ right hand man already. I just want to feel passionately about someone and have that feeling reciprocated. I don’t need a five star restaurant or a Birkin bag. I just want that meaningful time and attention, that I smile every time I think about you without knowing it vibe. I want to be like those awesomely cute couples I saw holding hands at Coachella, the biggest music festival in the world. To be in a sea of thousands of people, hundreds of famous people, large monuments, and vendors, but only caring about sharing it with that ONE person. I want that, you wrong as f* and I’ll let you know, but when we go in public I’m on your side vibe. That, I know you stressed baby how can I help vibe. I want that selfless vibe. I just want to vibe.
I know that in order to get where I want to be in my love life, I have to be more thorough with my screening process. I can’t keep entertaining old flames who will never come around, text messages that never lead to hanging out, and long distance weekly “I’m just checking in to make sure you still think about me just in case I want to take you serious one day” texts. Let this be day one of my no nonsense tolerating dating life. #VibeWithMe