Phenomenal
But, baby, don't get it twisted You was just another n* on the hit list Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad b* Didn't they tell you that I was a savage? F* your white horse and a carriage Bet you never could imagine Never told you, you could have it
Rihanna was feeling me too hard when she wrote these lyrics. I cannot express how fed up and tired I am with “dating”. I had a love interest who took ten years (literally) to tell me he didn’t know what he wanted, wtf? Really? I am not going to sit here and act like dating is failing because of the men. Dating is failing because of men and women. Those ten years wasted was his fault but, also mine. He could have told me 8 years ago he didn’t know what he wanted, yes but then allowing a ten year silence to go on was my fault. At 17, I didn’t know I should be banking on actions only. Now at 27, I can’t even hear you until you start putting things into movement.
“Before you let a man sweep you off your feet be sure he is prepared to catch you if you fall. You might be too much woman for him, too independent, too smart, too much of a catch; he may not be ready for the weight of how beautiful you are, how gorgeous you are, or how strong you are. He may not be ready yet. You have to be prepared to be yourself regardless if he can carry you or not. So, it’s important for you to know his past, his attributes, his strengths, if he’s prepared to handle how beautiful, how gorgeous, how so awesome you are right? It is super important for you to take your time. Don’t just listen to sweet nothings. Don’t listen to words, watch actions. You are too fragile to be dropped, your heart is way too valuable to be mishandled and your brain don’t need a bruise. So, before you let a man sweep you off your feet be sure he is strong enough, secure enough in himself, be sure he has the proper amount of self-esteem and self-confidence to handle how got damn awesome you are”
– Ace Metaphor
I’ve tried everything. From dating apps to blind dates, and nothing seems to be working out. So, maybe it’s me? My mother sent me this video she found on FB (transcript above). The video made me literally take a moment to reflect on myself, and the fact that just maybe I was my own issue. Often we women have these “high expectations” when we first meet a man. I remember a male co-worker once told me that women having these “high expectations” when they meet a man is why it doesn’t work out. They have a photo in their mind of what this man will be like and when he is not that way, they get all upset. I agree, but then I don’t. Let me explain: Some women have high expectations because they are high up there in their physical appearance, career, spiritual and personal life (let’s call this woman Phenomenal). Why should a Phenomenal woman lower her expectations for a man who doesn’t want her to expect anything from him? She shouldn’t, she should move on.
I am a phenomenal woman and it doesn’t matter if I use a dating app, IG, the grocery store, or friends to meet fish. If the fish don’t know who they are, what they want, or want me to lower my expectations I will continue to be disappointed with dating.
There was a time when I was “talking” to a man and he would always get upset with me and say “you think you are better than me”. I would get so confused because I thought he was the most amazing thing on the planet. Fast forward to now, I know that he projected his insecurities on me. I’ve always been head strong, known what I wanted, and how I was going to accomplish it. He didn’t, he was lost. Until this very day the man says he doesn’t know why I was so into him. At the moment I didn’t know how to respond, but now I would say I wasn’t. I was into the man I thought he had the potential to be and as of recently, searching high and low for him. He’s doesn’t exist btw.
So, I am sitting here thinking: “wtf is wrong with these men”, but really, it’s me. Waiting around for somebody to have enough courage to tell me they actually don’t know what they want, which is okay. The problem was that they knew way before I asked that they did not know what they wanted.
Ladies we have to stop waiting around for a man to finally confess that he doesn’t want us. We need to pay attention to all the broken promises, lack of communication, lack of effort, and lack in the process of caring. Don’t let him project his inner issues on you. Don’t let him become your fixer upper. Why do you need to fix him? Who fixed you? Oh, you fixed yourself you say? God helped you? Exactly. Let him get help, you deserve a man to step to you with it together, not in broken little pieces.
Fuck your white horse and a carriage.
-Loveleemichaela